Women Aging in a Youth-Obsessed Society
While many cultures revere, respect, and elevate their elders, in American culture, we often put them aside and try to forget them. At least that was how I saw it and why thinking about aging was something I disliked in my thirties.
In my forties, becoming my mother’s caretaker opened my eyes to the difficulties the elderly face as their health deteriorates. Now in my fifties, as I start experiencing some body changes and minor pains, optimizing my health has become even more important to me.
For women, aging in this youth-oriented society can be hard, if not painful.
Women’s Stereotypes
I once listened to a podcast that described the youth-obsessed culture Americans have. Part of the description included three types of represented women groups.
First, the young maiden. Beautiful, highly desired, very fertile, sexy but still a virgin. This is what our culture reveres and obsesses about. Her power comes from being able to get men to do almost anything for her. She is Helen of Troy, able to bring war upon the world because of how desirable she was.
The second is the mother. She is the creator of the next generation, their protector, and is still sexually desired, just not to the extent of the maiden. Her power comes from being responsible for the children. The mother can easily be traded for the maiden, who is younger and more sexually desired.
The third is the crone. The old maid, completely undesirable and void of all power. She is somewhat feared but mostly because of her sour disposition. No longer fertile, beautiful, or youthful, she is deemed to be of little worth.
Do Stereotypes Reflect Reality?
As I near menopause, I must confess the thought of no longer being fertile and youthful made me flinch. I would often react negatively whenever my mother mentioned that something I was experiencing could be menopause. Of course, it’s not—I am not old. But I knew better, so why was I reacting that way? Because of my fear of being thought of as old and no longer having anything to offer, which is so wrong.
The truth is that my worth as a person has nothing to do with whether I can have children, am no longer the youthful maiden, and my children are grown. Yet, I try very hard to maintain a youthful appearance by coloring my graying hair and using all kinds of creams to keep wrinkles from going deeper.
The more I think about it, my not wanting to grow old doesn’t have a lot to do with being the desirable maiden but rather with the fear of getting closer to death. But even more scary is the thought of being debilitated and unable to take care of myself or those I love. It is this realization that led me to start this blog—to help other women prevent debilitating disease, optimize their health, and age gracefully.
Thoughts of Inadequacy Creep In
Recently, one of my husband’s best friends left his wife of over thirty years. This brought up a whole bunch of fears that it could happen to me. I have been married for a very long time, and while not perfect, my husband and I have always been very honest with each other, and we know how much being committed to one another means.
We have all heard about midlife crises, which happen not only to women but also to men. While my husband reassures me that we are fine—better than fine—I could not figure out where all these insecurities were coming from.
In the same way, I started to notice how young my new coworkers were, recently hired as our department grew. They are so young, so full of life, and so sure of themselves. I also started to think, maybe I wasn’t a good fit for the department anymore. I had little in common with the young professionals and felt they looked at me as the old woman who probably didn’t know enough.
Your Fears of Aging Are Self-Created
None of the things above are real. My husband loves me the way I am, and my coworkers rely on my experience and even mentorship. All of the self-doubt was self-created. The truth is that I have never felt more at ease in my own skin than I do now.
As we age, we truly become wiser with experience. We are less worried about what others think and more interested in what we think. No longer tied to fears of getting pregnant, we have the freedom to experience greater intimacy with our partners. No longer responsible for our children, we’re free to pursue other interests, and we even experience greater joy and love with our grandchildren.
Ageism and How to Address It
Ageism is a real issue, especially for women. Research shows that women face more discrimination based on age than men, particularly in professional settings. Studies by the National Bureau of Economic Research indicate that older women receive fewer callbacks for job interviews compared to younger counterparts. The workplace is not the only place where ageism is prevalent; societal beauty standards also place undue pressure on women to maintain a youthful appearance.
What Can Women Do?
- Prioritize Health: Exercise, eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, manage stress, and focus on mental well-being.
- Advocate for Yourself: Challenge ageist stereotypes and call out discrimination when you see it.
- Find a Supportive Community: Join groups that empower older women and create mentorship opportunities.
- Reinvent Yourself: Take on new hobbies, start new careers, or engage in lifelong learning.
- Stay Confident: Your worth is not tied to youth—embrace your experiences and wisdom.
Resources:
- Ashton Applewhite, This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism
- National Institute on Aging: www.nia.nih.gov
- American Association of Retired Persons (AARP): www.aarp.org
- National Bureau of Economic Research Study on Age Discrimination: www.nber.org
How to Grow Old
It is going to be up to you how you want to grow older. Do you want to be active, enjoy life, and be able to do the things that are important to you, or do you want to deal with illnesses and disability? If you are in your thirties, forties, and beyond, this is the time for you to work on your health and understand that growing old or aging is not the bad thing we have been led to believe.
We all have so much to offer no matter what age we are. Our worth is not tied to youth but to us as individuals. There have been numerous people who did their best work after age forty.
Successful Women After 40:
- Vera Wang
- Julia Child
- Nina Zagat
- Viola Davis
- Toni Morrison
- Lucille Ball
Growing older is not an end but rather the beginning of a new life—make the most of it.